apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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