then he tried to convert me to islam
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
