If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i think i just lost a toe
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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