gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
