I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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