A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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