so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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