and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
