I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
