The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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