Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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