i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
