I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
