I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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