I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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