don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
