I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
