i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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