Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
