I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
