I met the friendliest cop last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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