So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
