dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
