i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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