And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
