I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
