i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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