My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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