Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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