my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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