Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
