and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
