just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
