So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
