No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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