guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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