I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
