her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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