just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
