Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
