Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
