thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
