therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Come on in and take your pants off
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