I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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