I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
