yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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