I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You've changed since you got that strap on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
