Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
