Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
