After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
