Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
