I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house