I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again