He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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