Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.