Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.