we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
