My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize