you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
