I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
