Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
