and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
