I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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