tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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