I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm really busy with my period
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