Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize