insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
