Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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