I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
