I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
