I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
