dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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