my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Semen is not good for contacts.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
