there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
