I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize