P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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